Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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