I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
