:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
