I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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