I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
