I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
