is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
