Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
