am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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