I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
