Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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