apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize