I'm gonna have a badass scar
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
