24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
