Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
