Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
