After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
