he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
