Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
