She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
