I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No subtext here. People are naked.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
