I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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