But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
