i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
