Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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