just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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