i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
