I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
