oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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