boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
