Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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