dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bring money and cleavage
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
not ubering you a puppy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
