Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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