Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
