Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
