i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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