i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
