I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
