please come you make the beer taste better
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
