I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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