you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
