I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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