If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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