non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
