Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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