dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
