that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
