Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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