If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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