There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
