How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I want to fling myself into the sun
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
