you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
