He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
