Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
