Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
