i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
