who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
