You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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