Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
