So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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