I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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