Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
