She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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