Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
4 words: hood of his car
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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