Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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