Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
