you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
