I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
