i think my tv is drunk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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