I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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