im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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