By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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