Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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