You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
