You're earring is so big in my mouth
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
