absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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