FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
