I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
