Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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