chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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