he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
