What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
