I can't watch pbs sober anymore
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
