I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
