she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
