Acid is not a monday night drug
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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